yesterday morning i woke up and steped out of bed to find that my floor was covered in a mysterous purple goo. this was no ordenary purple, i came to this conclusion due the fact that i had never seen such a color before.
i decided to dismis the purple goo and walk into the kitchen for some substanance. all that could befound inmy kitchen were eggs. theese eggs were a force to be reconed with. they were every where and were quit large. the smallest one i chould find was in the bread basket, i believe it weighed about 15lbs.
on account of the egg crissis i decided to skip breakfast. instead i checked the thermometer that is on my porch. it read 30 degrees celceious. i began my analysis of the situation. it went somthing like this...
i decided that since it was 30 degres on a fine december day(in canada) that i should check out the lake to see what the swimming was like. when i arived at the shore, i was shocked. all i foung was dirt. there was no water it was all gone. the firmen were there so i asked what had gone on. but the firemen had no idea. so i left.
while leaving the parking lot, i stumbeled across 5 million dollars. lucky for me right. wrong. because i was then faced with decsision, should i buy a dragon or that cute little puppy dog from the harry potter movie, you know the one with the three heads. i couldn't decide so instead i bought a turtle. nothing fancy or sporty. just a reliable form of transportation. i named my reliable form of tranportation salty.
salty and i dacided that we should visit santa and congradulate him on another well exicuted xmas.
the trip took us 6 hours. salty is quite the little speed demon. when we arived we were disapointed to find that santa was not at all what we expected him to be like. he was shorter and fatter than many explained. to tell the truth he was 3 foot 3 and weightes 300lbs. you can't grasp the concept of how fat he was. santa offered us lunch. it was late for lunch but we hadn't eaten yet so we acepted.
after luch we departed for home.
when we arived home the place was in a state of chaos, all the strange and plentiful eggs had hatched. so low and behold we had 200 baby platipuses in the house. despite the fact that they were babies each platipus wieghted about 60lbs. and was 4 feet tall.
sadly i was to sleepy to deal with the platipuses so i decended to my sleeping chamber. but naturally there was my sisters pet snail on the end of my bed. PURPLE GOO. that explains it. he must have had a cold. off to the vet with him tomorow. so i lifted the 80lbs. snail off my bed and fell into a calm and relaxed sleep.

ps. this was dedicated to vanessa cuz she says crazy things go on in my house.
pps. this tale is so true. belive it. or else. im warning you.